Almost as soon as I took the job at Commonwealth Bank I questioned my decision. And no matter how much positive reinforcement I got from my new employer, I didn’t enjoy what I was doing. I wanted to quit the second week I started. And in truth, the only reason I didn’t was that I needed the money. So I promised myself that once I saved enough money to pay my bills back home for the rest of the year, I would give myself permission to quit.
A couple of weeks ago I told my boss I wanted out of my contract, that I wasn’t happy doing change management communications and that I needed to find a new career that would make me happier. I told her there was nothing she could have done differently, the company was fabulous and the project was exactly as challenging as I had expected to be, but I had had a change of heart. She was gracious about my decision, and I promised to stay as long as needed to find and train a replacement – about six weeks.
But funny thing, as soon as I told her I wanted out, I didn’t. I actually started enjoying work a lot more. Once I realized I didn’t HAVE to stay, I started finding pleasure in work and really enjoying my job. I started second guessing my decision, the decision I had struggled with for six weeks.
I thought about having to move out of my flat, when I’d only just settled in. I thought about how uncomfortable that conversation with my roommates would be, and how I didn’t want to ditch out on them. And I thought about having to give up our “How I Met Your Mother” marathons, which I’ve actually grown quite fond of.
I thought about how I would essentially be abandoning the coworkers who had been so warm and welcoming to me. I thought about how I wasn’t certain that I wanted to throw away my entire career forever, and how this would be a career limiting move for me if I walked away.
And I thought, oh no! I’ve made a terrible mistake.
A week later, after a brief conversation with another coworker who wanted me to stay, I was relieved when my boss told me that it wasn’t too late to change my mind. So I’m staying. And I’m happy about it. I still don’t know that change management communications is the right thing for me, forever. But it is for now.
As for the future, I’ve put some positive energy out into the universe about what I do want, and rather than struggling to make that happen right this instant, I’ve decided to just enjoy the next few months. I’ll figure it out. Eventually.